Saturday 30th August 2003
Saturday 23th August 2003
Saturday 16th August 2003
Saturday 9th August 2003
Saturday 2nd August 2003

Any views expressed in these reports are the views of the author, and may not necessarily reflect the views of Edmonton Cricket Club, its committee or its members. If you find anything offensive or inaccurate in the content of these reports, or if you have any queries reagrding the reports, please contact us via email, stating the report you're referring to and the date so that we can take any action deemed necessary.

Saturday 30th August 2003

1st XI vs. Turnham Green

Report by:

Herron, S Roche, Beeden, Oldroyd, D Hinnigan, Barnard, D Hare, Mardell, Worton, Varley, Street

Saturday 23rd August 2003

1st XI vs. Mill Hill Village

Report by:

Willett, Oldroyd, S Roche, Venkatesh, Hinnigan, D Hare, Barnard, Harrison, Beeden, N Roche, Varley

Saturday 16th August 2003

1st XI vs. Crouch End Calthorpe

Report by: Alan Barnard

It's hard to write a report for this game, mostly because after about 2 overs of the 2nd innings, it wasn't a game in the classical sense of the word. Calthorpe are the draw specialists, and they are clearly very good at it… win the toss, and you've got a decent chance of winning the match. Lose the toss, and you're not going home with 30 points unless you're playing at Southall or Sudbury Court or if you have Brett Lee and Shoaib Aktar opening the bowling.

Rolling the clock back a little, Tony Willett proved what a low quality tosser he is by losing the toss again, and getting put in on a decent looking track. Crouch End were as talkative as ever early on, and had something to chat about when opener Simon Roche was dismissed in the gulley without scoring. Personally, I thought it was a bump ball, but nobody else (including the umpire) seemed to share this view. Tim Beeden, the other opener decided to liven proceedings up by running out last weeks centurion, Venki without scoring, and when Tony Willett came and went for not many at number 4, we were looking in trouble.

Alan Barnard was next in, and Adam Herron joined him soon after when Beeden took a walk across his stumps, and was adjudged somewhat harshly out leg before. At 45-4, things were not looking all that good, and Calthorpe had a sniff of a win. It may have been this smell that confused them, and they clearly didn't seem to know what to do, and Barney and Herron began the rebuilding job, gradually easing the pressure as the bowling looked less and less effective.

Barney had taken the decision to stand well out of his crease early on, and it proved effective, nullifying much of the uneven bounce, whilst Herron looked to be as positive as possible wherever he could. The running between the wickets was textbook, and quickly run singles produced overthrows, and even more runs as the fielders' heads dropped. Herron was out caught on the line for 53, but the damage had been done, as the score was on 170. Barney continued to look in good nick until Venki told him he was on 85, and was promptly caught at mid-on the next ball.

Lexton Harrison, who had replaced Herron had already shown his pace by stealing a number of quick singles with the purple dinosaur, but came into his own after Barneys dismissal. He hit one of the greatest shots in the teams recent memory, by back foot driving a six over extra cover on the longest part of the ground. Quite amazing. We retired to tea at 239 from 55, and tucked in to vegetable bhajee sandwiches, which are as good as any in the league (except possibly Hanwell).

Taking the field, Matty Worton opened up, and produced 2 wickets in his first over, the 1st expertly caught by Neil 'Sesame Street' Roche diving at mid on, and the 2nd a plum LBW. Things got boring from this point onwards, as Calthorpe's next batsmen looked accomplished, but clearly weren't interested in winning the game at any stage slowly easing the score past 100. The rest of the innings is a boring story, and not one I really want to go into. There were a few god spells (Varley and Willett) and some tempting flighty spin for Venki, which clearly wasn't tempting enough.

In fact, after the first over, the only real highlight of the innings was Lexton's sledging, moving from 'ask some questions' to 'interrogation' to 'shine a light in his face' to 'good cop bad cop' to 'full body cavity search'. In fact, I think that Lex's banter was the only thing that kept me awake in the field, and I salute him for that. Sadly, I can't salute him for his driving, as he sped past me doing about 70 in the 20mph speed limit that is Alexandra Palace. Herron looked unimpressed in the passengers seat, and music blared out from one of the 2 stereos.

So, 18 points, when we really needed all 30. No realistic chance of promotion, unless AP self destruct. I know it's very hard to be positive, but there's always next year. Deja vu anyone? On the plus side, this season has seen the introduction of 2 very promising youngsters in Danny Hare and Mark Varley, the return of Adam Herron, the return to some kind of form for Barney and the arrival of Owen Oldroyd, so it's not all bad. Perhaps we can go out and win our last 3 games, knowing that there is no pressure to perform? Who knows what 90 points will leave us with?

Team: Tony Willett, Tim Beeden, Simon Roche, Venki, Alan Barnard, Adam Herron, Lexton Harrison, Matt Worton, Neil Roche, Mark Varley, John Street

2nd XI vs. Crouch End Calthorpe

Report by: Martin Loveday

The boys were already at Hydside when i arrived and it was swiftly into our whites to avoid fines. The fielding practise started and the slip catching was fairly poor with far too many going down, (a bit like Herron in a gay bar). Then we moved onto some long high catches ex cept Stav decided to put the all along the ground. We eventually got the ball going in the air and to our horror Domsy Womsy as he reffered to himself was everywhere, obviously an adverse reaction to the previous nights viagra. Fielding practise over and we found out that Vice skipper Khazi standing in for Kev had won the toss and elected to field. Onto the field we went as confident as ever, and Doddsy opened up from the top end and Anil opened up from the bottom. Its fair to say that we didnt get off to the best of starts. Some wayward bowling early on helped them on their way. Anil got the first break through as one of their openers top edged one to safe hands Loveday at extra cover.

Loveday replaced Doddsy after the opposition were 75 for 1 and started off reasonably well. Anil had now found his line and length and was causing all sorts of problems. Loveday got the next wicket with a very average ball that was again top edged to Goddard at square leg. Loveday got the next when the batsman tried to drive a ball that wasnt there and was caught by Doddsey at cover. Loveday got the next wicket shortly after when he got a knick behind and it was caught by Barret. They were now about 140 for 4. Anil took the next wicket which was a sharp catch from Stav at first slip. 150 for 5. This is where things started to liven up. Stav replaced Loveday at the top and Loveday replaced Anil from the bottom. It was Loveday who got the next wicket when there no.7 (motor mouth) edged one to Goddard at fly slip. This then brought to the crease a cheating, John Travolta wanna be.

Loveday had him trapped LBW, blatant as you like but was given not out by their umpire. It was Lovedays next over when the same fella was caught behind off a blatant knick to the keeper and was given not out. The decission i can understand as the umpire was DEAF but for a batsman to stand there knowing that the umpire cant hear a thinnish knick is quite distgusting. Khazi replaced Loveday as he was robbed of his fifth wicket and was swiftly addressed by the loser batsman who was just dismissed as a fat b*stard. Now we all know that it should have been fat northern b*stad but by no means had the oppo earned any right to produce such a comment, he was answered by a hand gesture of side to side movement. Considering that we had not even sledged these sad excuses for cricketers i think it was completly un called for.

I think Khazi got a wicket but i really cant remeber but i bet it was a great delivery that left the batsman with no chance, so the he was gone. This left golden hat and their skipper at the crease. An excellent piece of fielding from Anil and a direct hit sent golden boy back for a shower. Calthorpe were now 8 down for about 190. Doddsy replaced Stav and Dom replaced Khazi. Doddsy was then re replaced by Stav and his first ball produced a wicket as their skipper top edged to Anil on the 45. The final wicket was taken by Dom as he knocked back the middle stump. All out for 211 in 53 overs. Considering the start we had, which was poor and some very average performances we raised our game and consolidated an attainable score.

We had tea, the normal shite which we get it was our turn to bat. Anil had convinced Khazi that he wanted to and infact should open the batting so he went in with Dom. At this point i cant really go into too much detail except Anil hit all the bowling to every part of the ground and played some high quality strokes. With the score at 140 Anil had hit his hundred and Dom was on about 25 not out. It was excellent to see Anil bat the way we know he can and it was a tear-jerking moment when the young Indian raised his bat and helmet in celebration, absoloute class against village nobody's and the cheers and comments were flying in from the supporters on the boundary. Anil got out for 128 but it was an excellent knock and won us the game. Barret went in no.3 and gave a dolly caught and bowled for 2.

Khazi went in no.4 .............. Khazi stood up before the first ball was bowled and their second ball and the third ball. It is believed that he was trying to dislodge an unknown susbstance from his throat (he was seen talking to a friend of Herrons at tea) from his throat. He also felt brave enough to square up to Khazi, as the rest of his crew came running in to give him a hand. Our boys were laughing and the situation could only have been more commical had Kev been at the non strikers end cos it could have been a massacre. Khazi told him to DO ONE and then the game continued. It was however a tactic that resulted Khazi losing his wicket as he was stumped third ball. James Hazell joined Dom at the crease. Dom was putting the ball away nicely into the gaps and reached a very well deserved 50. He and James saw us home with loads of overs to spare and another very comfortable win indeed.

Doddsy had a chat with big mouth just after the rucus in the middle he said that we thought we were better than we were and that we should be selling the big issue. Firstly i would like to point out, that our arrogance is a product of us winning all but 2 games. We have played some very average sides and won from many different positions. Every single person in the team has contributed one way or another during the season. Do we think were better than we are? No we just know were better than everyone else in our league, especially CALTHORPE. As for the big issue, i think the only big issue we will be advertising is GOING UP, GOING UP, GOING UP. Not only this but we will get enough points to secure ourselves the top spot for the second year running. Our objective remains to score 500 points for the season, something which has never been achieved as yet and will take some beating in years to come. Well done boys.

Please be advised that this is a second draft as Barney had deemed the first issue libelous.

Team: Khazi, Dom, Barrett, Monster, Doddsy, Hazell, Stav, Baker, Benedetti, Anil and Goddard. Thanks to Kim for scoring and Ray for Umpiring.

Sunday 3rd XI vs. Academicals

Report by:

Sense of dread on Saturday night when fixture secretary the Honourable Streetcar named Desiree announces he has got us a Conference fixture this week - they are all weak teams so how does that rate us. Opposition turn up an hour before game we're on big pitch this week but no time to bring boundaries in as they've already arrived. Lord Blackcab (rtd) in bar drinking swifters or is that spritzers with his aide de camp Sands Of Iwo Jima, comes over and says hope you have no ringers this week Skippy or we'll transfer you to Winchmore Hill, Iwo Jima says make sure your players tuck in their shirts this week, complaints last week from the laydees about bare midriffs on view. God skippering gets harder every week. Lose toss again, opposition bat, chose to play 40 over match, race to 120 for 1 off 10 overs with only wicket falling to a splendid catch by Glue Hands. Change of tactics needed Skippy comes on to bowl, abley assisted by new boy Sparky Barker renowned spinner o! ver rate falls to about 7 an over but then accelerates again towards the end and opposition finally make 294 for 5. Dead Eye takes 2 wickets, Sparky 2 and Skippy 1.

Retire to tea, see what surprise the Pole Dancer has for us this week, no sausage rolls and tuna sandwiches spiked with carrot and onion. Back out to bat, innings opened by Sri Lankas answer to Cliff Richards and a new recruit from th 2's in Kevin Furz. Both him and Cliff are out quickly. Darling Andrew strides to wicket on back of his fine 91 last week, out for 8 this week, says Shirley Hazell had insisted on rubbing him down with ice cubes last week after his big score and he wasn't having that again. Glue Hands in, with another 2's triallist The Old Grey Fox like watching paint dry 12 runs added in an hour. The Old Grey Fox out, McArthur out soon other, Vikram run out by Glue Hands, Dead Eye in who scores 20 before holing out last ball of game. Glue Hands not out 37 off 30 overs. We end up with 129-6 off 40. Complete crap afternoon, ah well theres always next week. Retire to bar, opposition want to play home and away next season, suggest they play the 2's much better! game for them. Ask the Pole Dancer what was in tuna sandwiches we said our forensic scientist had detected carrot and onion, she denied this saying it was coleslaw and her business partner Keith had really enjoyed it. Turned to Keith for comment, he threw up all over the place, no more to be said.

Saturday 9th August 2003

1st XI vs. Alexandra Park

Report by: Tim Beeden

After last weeks defeat against a cheating Sudbury Court side it was vital that we got a win or at least a very good draw against top of the table Alexandra Park, we couldn't afford to lose and let them get further ahead, with numerous players missing due to holidays and other commitments we had two players, Lexton Harrison and Clive Berry playing their first and second games of the season.

We started badly by losing the toss and A.P. decided to bowl, it would have been quite a difficult decision to make as the temperature was about 35 degrees and bowling and fielding first was never going to be easy. We knew we had to get at least 250 on what was another glorious wicket.

Beeden and Roche opened the batting and got off to a solid start not looking in any trouble at all, they had put over 50 on for the first wicket before Roche lobbed an easy catch to cover, Beeden followed soon after edging one behind that cut back at him, Wills came in at 4 and after smashing a few boundaries he also edged one behind, this saw Chuck coming in at 5 to join Venki at this stage we were about 90-3 but we had used up 30 overs. Chuck was not looking in any trouble but wasn't timing the ball very well this probably had something to do with the massive crack he had in his bat, when he finally changed it he started smashing the ball to all parts, meanwhile at the other end Venki was doing the same as the AP bowlers wilted in the scorching afternoon sun, they put on 170 for the fourth wicket with Venki 101 n.o. and Chuck 66n.o. Wills made a good declaration at 240-3 off 50 overs leaving us about 44 overs to bowl AP out.

We came out to bowl confident that we could get a good result out of the game. Matty started from the top end and Streety from the bottom, Matty didn't start off to well, not suprising as he hadn't bowled for the last couple of weeks, but he soon found his line and length and removed both openers clean bowled. At the other end Streety was his usual consistent self, he soon removed their No. 3 with Beeden taking a good low catch at slip. This is where things started to go wrong, Wills replaced Matty and Northern replaced Streety, and AP No. 4 started to take our bowling apart their No. 5 also joined the party as both raced to 50. Venki and Lex were also tried but nothing was going our way as we dropped two catches that looked like costing us the match as AP needed only 70 off 13 overs with 7 wickets in hand. Things were soon going to change as their Aussie No 4 got tired and top edged Venki with Herron taking a fairly easy catch, with Venki then taking two excellent caught and bowled we were right back in contention. Matty then replaced Lex at the bottom end and took 3 wickets in 3 overs to leave AP nine down with 5 overs to go. Wills then changed it around again with Matty getting tired, he brought himself on from the bottom end and Northern from the top both bowled really well including a couple of excellent yorkers but we just couldn't get the final wicket.

All in all a good result with us ending up with 9 more points than AP. All credit to Wills for an excellent declaration, that some thought was a bit generous, but he had faith in his bowlers who all gave 100%, praise must go to Venki who after scoring a fine century got us right back into the game with some excellent bowling and catching, also to Matty for another excellent five wicket haul. We have four more matches to go and we might need to win them all and on this performance that is definitely possible.

2nd XI vs. GWR

Report by: Pat Carr

EDMONTON TRAIN STAEMROLLS GWR

Skipper wins toss - No prizes for guessing what we did!

Sweltering heat and smallest boundary in the world!

Anil on a plane, lands at 1200 and arrives at the ground at 1345 thanks to Mrs Lawrence.

Huge applause to Kyle (future ECC Player in the making) Lawrence for doing a superb job as 12th man until Anil arrived. Well done mate.

Welcome back to Chris Goddard and our future two's stars in James Hazell and Justin Benadetti.

Doddsey/Stav open - both bowl very well. Khazi replaces Dodd's - Khazi bowls well, Stav continues to bowl very well. Anil replaces Khazi and also bowls well, Stav still continues to perform. Skip replaces Anil and guess what, bowls well, Stav sees out the bottom end after bowling half of the 40 overs we had to bowl, great effort mate. GWR all out for 115ish. Fantastic catch by Chris Goddard at gulley, quality keeping by Barratt and generally above average fielding skills all round.

Tea - Erm, well, it was just adequate.

Khazi and Mini opened put on 50+. Khazi out, James H in. Mini and James knock off the remainder of the runs with ease. Well done boys 30 more points.

Serious bit now: We are held in high regard by our peers because of our league position. Mental pressure is a fair tactic utilised by all of the teams we have played this season and by ourselves. We cannot lose focus during a match and turn mental pressure into personal insults. The majority of us are guilty of it at sometime or another and this needs to stop immediately. We must lead by example.

Let's use the 500 point target as our focus and break the point barrier never before achieved in this league. We have some tough games coming up now so let's not let it slip.

Big up to Ray for umpiring at the last minute therefore sacrificing his own game and huge thanks to Kim for scoring.

Team: K Lawrence, Carr, Mardell, Hazellm Benadetti, Elia, Ganji, Sinclair, Sharma, Goddard, C Dodds 12th Man - Kyle Lawrence

Fines fund = £206

Sunday 3rd XI vs. Harringey Libraries

Report by: Ray Dodds

We batted in silence for 2 and a half hours, every time we called a run a collective "ssshhhh" went up from the opposition. We won the toss (thank God) at last and chose to bat. After Skippy's severe dressing down from Lord Blackcab (rtd.) and his crew at the committee meeting last week for playing ringers (or rather Mickey Billson's younger brother) we had to play a slightly weakened side and we had to phone up Lara, Graham Smith and Nasser to tell them not to bother turning up, as Lord Blackcab (rtd) wouldn't let them play as we had superior players who are fully paid up members without a game. Opened with Northern and Darling Andrew, Northern got out for 21, in came Glue Hands and out went Glue Hands LBW triggered (he claims) by Skippy (a more plumb LBW i have never seen). Darling Andrew was joined by Tony "trotting steps" Brown. They proceed to get a magnificent partnership of over 140 which ended when Darling Andrew was out for a superb 91, Trotting Steps! was not out for 45 and our innings closed on 215-3 after 38 overs and thunder and lightning crashed and boomed around the ground and the rain lashed down. Tea time chaps, up we went to see what the Delectable Pole Dancing Queen had concocted with her assistant Green Fingers this week. My god cat meat sarnies (she claims it was corned beef but it let out a distinct mieow when you poked it), plus pasta containing toenails and various other surplus body parts harvested from the shower drain. The other team thought it was good. Haringey Libraries batted, we took 3 quick wickets and thought the ball was rolling in our favour but not to be, their 4 and 5 batsman put on 100 and then Vikram "Sitting Bull" Misah smashed 25 off about 6 balls to consign us to ignanimous defeat (we had lent him to them as they only had 10 players). We came off, showered, and retired to the bar to find Teletoby in residence along with the Divine Emma - god it took hours to get served. Darling Andrew ha! d bought a jug so all the lies about jug avoidance are not true. Bounc ing Shirley was there but she had missed his innings organising Jack Russell jnr's birthday party. Never mind Darling Andrew can talk her through it ball by ball over the next week. Selection will be hard next week as i understand teams are going to be picked on merit by order of Lord Blackcab (rtd), watch out for some falling stars.

P.S. AL Hulk has still not come back.

P.P.S. He hasn't bought a bungalow yet.

P.P.P.S. Bouncing Shirley likes journalists.

P.P.P.P.S. Congrats Danny Muschamp on getting 100 for the U 15's.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Congrats Andy - Ricky should've given you 20 quid for that innings.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Who shouted never mind Glue Hands, hes got Glue Feet????

Saturday 2nd August 2003

1st XI vs. Sudbury Court

Report by: Alan Barnard

I may get round to writing this if I've calmed down in a couple of weeks.

Willett, Oldroyd, Beeden, Venkatesh, D Hinnigan, Barnard, Herron, D Hare, Varley, Street, Loveday

2nd XI vs. Sudbuty Court

Report by: Pat Carr

EDMONTON CLEANERS WASH THE SUDS AWAY!!!

Beautiful day! Top of the league against bottom, should be pretty clean cut we think! Hang on a minute, we don't recognise half of the team that's just arrived and they don't seem to know each other? Someone suggested they may have a "few overseas players" but I wouldn't like to comment on that one.

They arrive at 23 minutes past the hour and we could have claimed the toss, but in the spirit of fair play we tossed up and won anyway. We, of course, fielded.

The openers came in and looked a million times better than our last encounter with Sudbury. Doddsy and Dominic started us off with some good bowling. Doddsy had and edge appeal turned down and Dominic being refused an LBW decision that was admittedly missing the middle stump by an inch or less. The Sudbury umpire had the potential to be a very good umpire if he knew the laws of the game! The openers contained the batsmen really well for the first twelve overs. Doddsy was replaced by Richard(new guy) who had trouble finding his rhythm and was hit for a few as the scoring increased steadily.

Khazi took over from Dom and bowled like a complete (fill in this space with your own favourite appropriate word) badly for four overs before handing the mantle to Clive. Khazi did have words with the Sudbury umpire when called wide for a ball that passed within 18inches of off stump. Khazi apologised. Richard was replaced at the top end by Mickey Bilson - The first breakthrough came with the score at about 115 and two overs to go before drinks. At the drinks break Sudbury were 125 - 5 thanks to Mickey and Clive.

Things started to look better. Spin was required and Mickey was asked to swap ends to allow Stav to bowl with the bigger "cow" boundary. They both bowled well on a magnificent batting track and wickets fell steadily but runs came from some indifferent slogging. Dom returned to see us through to the full 55 if required but we removed the Sudbury team in the 52nd over on a total of 230. Huge applause to all the E's team who stuck with the task on a boiling hot day. Stav and Mickey bowled superbly and deserved a 5for and 4for respectively.

Restart was called at 5 05pm - We figured we should have around 44 overs to get the runs!

Billy and Gav started us off with some fine scoring, we were 23 - 0 off two overs. Billy then had a good ball clip the outside edge and was caught behind. Gav carried on batting with controlled aggression until he outdid himself playing his signature "this is the shot that always gets me out shot" - If he can lose that shot he can be outstanding - 35- 2.

Barrat was then at the crease with Clive and the scoring carried on at a rapido rate of knots. The Sudbury players were soon downhearted and they only got a boost when Barrat holed out to deep square 85ish - 3. Dom joined the fray. Clive, looking like he had been playing all season, smashed, pushed, guided and stroked the ball wherever he felt like putting it. Enter Uday the umpiring clown for another ludicrous decision. Clive stepped away from leg stump to place the ball on the on side, he missed the ball allowing it to harmlessly strike his pads, about a foot outside leg, a muffled appeal was whispered and, would you believe it, the fickle finger of cheat was raised and Clive was on his way 115 - 4. Hats off to Clive for not venting his spleen at the moron. It was very obvious that with Clive at the crease we would have won easily.

Khazi strolled out to the middle non too pleased and informed the Sudbury skipper that, if they needed the points that badly they were welcome to them. A furore followed and eventually we got on with the game. Khazi and Dom marched on until Dom got a faint snick and was caught behind 145 - 5. Stav enters the arena. Runs flow gradually and the asking rate is 5.5 an over. No great shakes on this track BUT WAIT, HERE COMES MR RETARD UMPIRE AGAIN - the ball was going very obviously and harmlessly down leg side yet again, so, free hit thank you very much, mistimed! Never mind get it next time - oh no you won't - your f*****g out my son - words fail me, unfortunately they did not fail me at the time and let the umpire have it with both barrels - I did not apologise on this occasion but I should have because regardless of the provocation, we should never stoop to the cheats level 155 - 6!

Things start getting tense, especially for our lower order, who have not exactly had to bat much in tense situations this season so far. Mickey B and Stav played superbly well, picking the bad balls and despatching them with ease. Mickey was bowled and Stav soon followed with the score now on 209 - 8. Cooper and Richard now at the crease, 22 to win with 7overs left - steady nerves needed. We decided that the draw was not an option with coco the clown playing as Sudbury's twelfth umpiring man, so the instruction was to be patient and hit the bad ball. Coop's and Richard saw the score through to 218 - 9 and before cooper was dismissed.

Doddsey looked like a very focused man who didn't know whether to be please with the opportunity of glory, or terrified of failure (It wouldn't have been your fault anyway mate). Both Richard and Doddsey performed with ultimate confidence. A single was nicked, then a three was run and before you knew it, an ungraceful midwicket pull by Doddsey sent the ball for four, another three was taken, Richard needed oxygen, Doddsey needed a beta blocker and the crowd needed valium!!!

2 to win 3 overs left - In strides the opening bowler - bowls a full toss at young Dodds, Doddsey' eyes widened to dinner plate proportions and he dispatches the ball for a match winning six. The crowd go wild and hugs and kisses all around - especially Billy and Stav (we should watch this one - I think something beautiful is going on here). 30 more very deserved points and the 500 hundred club is still on!!!

Beers were had and cheating stories were swapped between the 1st and 2nd eleven teams - something needs to be done about teams like Sudbury. I would like to think that neither team will have to play these muppets next season. Thanks to Ray for scoring and AP for umpiring and giving me words of wisdom (we are never too old to learn).

Team:- Carr, Elia, A Bilimoria, Mardell, Ganji, Berry, Harte, M Bilson, Cooper, Richard, C Dodds Fines fund = £182

Sunday 3rd XI vs. Potter Street

Report by: Ray Dodds

Hottest day of year and Skippy loses toss and has to field against what looks a strong batting line up. Liam Barker opened up with Mickey Billsons Younger Brother, Potter Street make quick start and runs flow until Son of Pres comes on with his left arm medium pace and claimed the first wicket. This was after Mickey Billsons Younger Brother and Son of Pres had got into a tangle trying to take an easy catch which ended up with both of them leaving the ball to each other and the ball hitting the ground - one young colt was heard to say "why didn't one of them call 'mine' thats what our coaches tell us to do?" Things go from bad to worse as Clarence Lashman Sri Lanka's answer to Bing Crosby fluffs an easy catch off Skippy's bowling - Skippy smiles benignly at him and says hard luck old chap, nice try. Game getting away from Ed's until Kemal Prince of Spin (if it pitches), strikes with 2 wickets, and Mickey Billsons Younger Brother also takes 2. Potter Street declare on 260! - 5. Ed's plot at tea, Glue Hands who has wicket kept magnificently asks to go down the order as his hands are sore and he's tired, readily agree tell him to go 11 his proper position (well it will be next season). Open with the Turbanator and Clarence (who catches like the one eyed lion of the same name) put on 35 until Turbanator gets himself run out forgetting his legs don't go as fast as his brain. In strides Mickey's Younger Brother, striped trousers glinting in the sun. Wears helmet, massive improvement you can see less of him. Clarence the Blind gets out trying to hook, in strides Son of Pres well till he holes out for 22 caught on boundary. Glue Hands marches in, i'll win match for you he cries, just let Mickey Billson's Younger Brother have the strike scream the crowd, lots of old people around, must have shut another home in Enfield. Mickey Billson's Younger Brother then bats magnificently and ends up with 152 not out with Glue Hands not out 33. We! win match by 7 wickets with an over to spare. Well done team. Retire to bar where we find Teletoby and the gorgeous Stephanie at our service. Proceed to drink large quantities of XXXX from jugs. Mickey Billson's Young Brother buys a jug (must be Mickey's Step Brother, cos i've never seen Big Mickey buy a drink let alone a jug). Mickey Billso'n Younger Brother now has highest score of season:- queue frms to quest for the Sunday 3's, ah well we'll have to be selective from now on. Many thanks to Shirley for running round and round with pints of water during our fielding stint - don't tell Peter Perfect she didn't pay for them!! Bring on Haringey Libraries next week (we'll all have to appeal in silence!)

Vets vs. Harlow

Report by: Ray Dodds

Everyone has to be over 50 for this one so sorry Mickey the Mole dropped. Sky's overcast, rain flighing down the ground quick rush out by Fursey to bring in boundary ropes - looks like Under 11's pitch now. Our esteemed Skipper the Venerable Silver Locks loses toss and Harlow bat. Bowling opened by Team Doctor the Magnificent Diagnosis who bowls extrememly well and takes 3 for, ably assisted by a superb catch one handed on boundary by Archie who stretches like Twizzle to pluck the ball from the air. Glue Hands takes a catch and then the Turbanator takes another magnificent catch to his left. Silver Locks brings on Skippy (promoted from the Sunday 3's) who the proceeds to clean bowl 4 batsmen with last ball of game. Skippt lends the ball wide on a jug avoidance scam but blow me Silver Locks catches ball and at fourth attempt stumps batsman. Skippy distraught has to get jog now. Harlow innings ends on 219 after 45 overs. Retire for tea. Turbanator and Fursey open inn! ings steadily, Glue Hands in at 3, Jack Highams 4, only have 88 going into last 20 overs. Their skipper changes field after every ball, slows down play at every opportunity. Skippy sent in to hurry up play but hits a couple of 4's then top edges to wicket keeper. Left to Glue Hands to fight lone battle assisted by Googie. Glue Hands scores an impressive 80 but we fall 30 runs short off only 37 overs. Ah well, another day.